World of Wires
by huffy01
Summary: This is a fanfic for Portlandia but I couldn't find the show on here so...


-World of Wires / SE Portland Fred and Carrie walk into World of Wires to look for a new laptop. The bell rings as they walk through the door. A worker greets them as they walk in. "Hey guys" he says happily. "How can I help you today?" "Uh, we're just looking to sign up for a new internet plan. We weren't really happy with the last one." Fred says, passively. "Great! Well just follow over to my desk here an I'll see what I can do for you guys." Fred and Carrie walked with him over to his desk and sit down in front of him and his computer. "Alright," he said. "Now, do you guys know what kind of plan you wanted?" "No" they replied, "we were hoping that you could just give us a basic plan." "Alright, well right now we do have a promo with the new beginnings plan." "Ok well what's that?" snarked, Fred. "Well it includes coverage of up to three lines for your family with unlimited calling." "Ok that sounds good." "Or there is the new beginnings plus which comes with unlimited calling and web for you entire family." "Ya that sounds great we'll do that." "There's still some more plans if you let me finish...we also have the new beginnings pro," "Ok, and what's that?" remarked Fred again. "That's all of the perks of new beginnings plus...with texting." "Wait so I'm confused. One of them doesn't have texting and one of them doesn't have web?" "That is correct." "Well can we just get a plan that has everything, calling, texting, web…We just want the simplest plan that covers everything."  
"Oh, so you guys want the all things plan?" He said happily.  
"Yes, that is what we want." "Well there is also the all things family bundle which allows you to add three lines to the plan for no extra cost." "Ya we'll do that." Fred said slightly annoyed. "We also have the simply all things plus and the simply all things pro." "Just give us the one that other people are getting." "I'm sorry but i'm not allowed to give out other customers plan information…"  
"Pro, pro, we'll do pro. Give us the pro plan."  
"OK, let me just… oh wait there's a new offer and I can now give you the absolutely all things plan for the same price as your current plan!" "What the difference?" Fred acclaimed confusedly.  
"The absolutely all things haas calling text web _and_ video."  
"Ya we'll do that." "Ok great it looks like you guys are almost done...Now we just have to choose how many devices you would like covered for unlimited data... " "It's just us tw… "You can have two, three, four, five, or,... six" "Six we'll do six." "Really? Do you you really want six devices? Fro the two of you?"  
"Yes we're sure just give us the six devices." "Ok well it's just that your answer was kinda fast and it didn't sound sincere...so are you sure you want to cover six devices?" ""I'm sorry," ""Thank you" "Now would be so kind as to let us cover six devices?" "Great news, I can actually give a seventh device free with an extra charge of only five dollars." "Oh my gosh yes we'll do it." "So you'd like a seventh device."  
"Yes. How are we not done yet?"  
"Well there are only a couple of things left that you guys have to do...uh, you can pick your Wifi router." "Ok" "We have the Renda-85, the Sona X2"  
"That one, we want that one." "...the Zula X-peria, and the Linnea deluxe."  
"Just give us the first one." "Ok, well…" "Don't you have other customers to serve or something?" Fred asserted forcefully. "Well, I'm helping you guys right now and then I'll move on to helping the other customers." "Ok because it just seems like you're taking a lot of time helping us." "Well… I care about my customers." "It wouldn't hurt to take care of someone else for a little bit." "What was that?" "Nothing." "Alright, then let's move on to picking the color of your router." "Can't we just get black or something?" I'm sorry but we don't carry black. We only have Lavender, light lavender, light banana, and...banana." "We'll take the Renda-85 in lavender."  
"Ok, now there is a fee if you want to transfer all of your devices over from your other company." "Seriously?" "Yes but after that it's free."  
"Are you kidding me?"  
"No i'm not and frankly sir I do not appreciate the tone that you are taking with me."  
"I'm not taking a tone!"  
"Sir I don't want to have to call security so I am going to have to ask you to calm down." "Unbelievable. Fine I'm sorry. Let's just be done. How are we not finished yet anyway?" "Thank you. Now, you guys are all set to go, all you have to do now is pick out which hat you want." "Hat? What do you mean pick out a hat?"  
It's part of our promotion to get more people to sign up. When you sign up or a plan you get a free hat.." Fred and Carrie look over and see the horrible looking hats that they have to choose from. "We'll just take the one that is shaped like a bird." says Carrie. "Really good choice you guys. That's our most popular hat." "Fred looks over at Carrie approvingly, "No, that's not a good choice. That's terrible." "Fred, let's just get this over with. It doesn't matter what the hat looks like." Carrie said calmingly." "Fine." agreed Fred. "Alright it looks like you guys are all done! You are good to go! Just let me go clear this with my manager." Fred and Carrie looked at each other thankfully. "At least we're gonna be able to get out of here." The man helping them walks back in. "Hey sorry guys, totally my bad. It is past November 1st. So we actually have completely different plans" "This is unbelievable. We're leaving. We'll find another company!" Fred and Carrie storm out angrily. The man helping them just stands there with a confused look on his face. "Bye"


End file.
